End of Days! : Vortex of Normalcy

                               Running the race of Life with Death hot on my heals!

Well...Well....Well! It has been almost two months since my last entry and it is amazing how ones perspective on time changes when faced with an uncertain timetable. As I have said in previous entries, I fully intend on not dying with this diagnosis and am dedicated to living life as normal as possible. An interesting dichotomy is created when you long for normalcy, after numerous months of turmoil, while at the same time a vortex of reality is always swirling around in the background. In the past two months, I have entered this space.

Since I last checked in, I have been working, skiing, golfing, Red Sox games, boating, movies, yard work, Ryan's Lax games, walking, meditating, napping and numerous dinner rendezvous with friends from past and present. I travelled to Chicago for a reunion with 5 high school buddy's and my brother Greg. The first night of the trip, I went to Wrigley with a couple of my long term colleagues, turned friends, for a Cubs v.s. White Sox game. The next night Greg, who turned 46 that very day, and I went to Comiskey for a rematch of the aforementioned teams. We celebrated Greg's birthday in fine fashion. When the high school boys arrived the following day we golfed, ate(too much), drank (too much) and just had a wonderful time busting balls and recalling past exploits. My favorite was the karaoke session we had with a live band at a bar where the average age was 26.  Five 50 year olds singing Jenny Jenny by Tommy Tutone 867-5309 is quite a spectacle to behold. By the way...several of us have packed on some lbs. and the hairlines have receded a smidgen. Despite time, distance and maladies, these childhood friends will always be friends!

The following week, I had to get Megan and her 127 pounds of luggage to LA for her summer internship in a downtown law firm. I felt like the porter from the movie Titanic trying to get Kate Winslet's luggage aboard for her passage across the pond. We got there ok and settled her into her new digs followed by an exploration trip of the area. She is a block away from the beach...need I say more. We attended game 6 of the LA Kings game against the Ducks (Kings won), hobnobbed with the rich and famous, and had multiple dinners with wonderful friends. We took a friends yacht to Catalina Island seeing scores of sea lion and pods of dolphin. The cove we pulled into was magical and the island restorative. When we arrived back at the docks from Catalina, we were met by Megan's grandfather (Geoffrey) and wife (Barbara). We then settled in for a nice dinner at the Yacht Club. A terrific way to end the day!   Spending time with family and friends, people of such fine qualities, puts a lot of things into perspective and reminds me of why the life each of us are given is such a gift.  As a father, there is nothing more precious than getting the kind of one on one time I got with Megan during this trip. She is a great daughter who has turned into a terrific young lady and who has somehow turned into a great friend. We said our goodbyes Sunday morning and I arrived back home at midnight. Back at work Monday morning. So tired!

So how am I really doing? Physically, things are pretty much the same. My left arm continues to be problematic with the loss of function and cramping that is now occurring on a much more regular basis. I am sleeping fine. I can feel muscle fasciculation in my left knee but it has not worsened in the last month or so. I feel more fatigue than I ever have in my life and now take regular naps along w/ meditation sessions to combat the mental and physical aspects of this disease. I remain hopeful that it will continue to be slow progressing. Mentally, as described, it is a continual vortex that swirls around the everyday normalcy of life. The first couple of months, I was caught up in the crisis and the outreach from family and friends was ever present. As things settle down, things go back to normal and people go back to their lives. This is the way things should be and how I desire them to be but it still leaves me, at times, isolated in my thoughts. Staci and the kids have been terrific and give me the strength to live for today for I know what will come but know not when!

Sox Game with the Family