Trapped In My Head

Another week and another piece to the puzzle comes together.  Staci and I travelled up 89 to Dartmouth Medical Center in Lebanon, NH.  It is truly a gorgeous drive with a brilliant blue sky serving as a backdrop for the snow covered mountains, valleys, lakes and streams.  All of which tends to forcefully remind me how truly blessed I am for the time and space I have been granted.  Our exposure to the facility and meeting with the doctor went well enough.  We both agreed that this would be our base of operation for treating this disease as it progresses.  The parking definitely beats Lahey's!  Can you say free and readily available.  One of the things that startled me most during our visit was seeing all the people in the waiting area with advance stages of various neurological disorders!  It is scary to think that many of these wheelchair bound people were, just a few months or years ago, walking around as freely as I was on this day.  A stark reminder of the cruelty this disease will eventually unleash!

Staying positive and tackling each infirmity as they come, seems, to me, the only way to proceed.  I had many coaches who always said don't get ahead of yourself.  Focus on today's game and worry about tomorrow's game.....tomorrow.  Easier said than done!  I very often find myself trapped in my head thinking about what's next and conjuring up all kinds of unpleasant scenarios.  I wake up in the silent of the night and have nothing but my thoughts.  I find myself drifting off during the day and thinking what ifs.  Staying busy is the best coping mechanism I know.  I do crossword puzzles, listen to books during my commute, ski, play ping pong with Ryan, listen to Staci yap, spend time with friends or just watch TV.  Anything to keep my mind from drifting into dark places.  I realize this is all coping and not truly dealing.  Maybe this whole thing is, in some perverted way, a key to a deeper existence and self awareness.  I hope so!  Staci and I head to counseling next week to try to sort through our thoughts and feelings.  While I am looking forward to it as much as going to the ballet, I do believe that continued honest dialogue around emotional, financial & spiritual matters will be critical if I am to get through this with my dignity intact and if Staci is to get on the backside of it whole in mind, body and spirit!

Video Link:        https://vimeo.com/91219442

Trip to Chicago with some important people in my Life!